Answers, round one

Excellent questions people, top work. Keep the quality coming!

I'm going to answer Sandro's questions first, because even though he asked far more than anyone else, they're slightly easier to answer than the answerless question that James posed, and the deep philosophical one that Nat came up with. So here we go...

i)Why will you only answer questions if 'you feel like it'?
Simply a way of saying that I won't answer questions such as "what's your wildest sexual fantasy?" or "why oh why are your feet so ridiculous?" I have some modesty people.

ii)If you could be any kind of plant, which one would it be?
"I'd have good strong roots in a town like Mt. Rose, a solid Christian trunk, and long, leafy branches to provide shade for handicapped kids on a hot day." Alternatively, a venus fly trap.

iii)If you could create an uber-lecturer, who would you combine?
Tricky. I'm currently reading Wonder Boys by Michael Chabon, so I'm tempted to say someone exactly like Grady Tripp, but that might only be interesting for the first hour or so. So how about we just say an uber conglomeration of every history lecturer I've ever had? Because let's face it, I've never had a bad one, I've had some extremely wonderful ones, and it would be a damn interesting combination if it ever happened. Oh, and I'll throw a bit of Sherlock Holmes into the mix as well. I could get more specific, but I don't want to name names on here.

iv)If you could cure any disease, which one would it be?
First I thought of malaria, but that would put Nat out of a job. Then I thought of Chronic Fatigue, but we all know that's not a real disease.* So... how about AIDS?

(* Of course CFS is a real disease/syndrome/whatever, and I sincerely apologise to anyone who is offended by my characterisation of it as a fake condition where you sleep a lot.)

v)If you had the super-human power of super-fast reading, whose complete works would you read first?
Hmmm... So many options, so much reading I could get done with my super-human powers. My initial thoughts - Dorothy L. Sayers and Ngaio Marsh, because I would actually enjoy them, and they're both pretty prolific (especially Marsh). Agatha Christie, just to prove to myself how right I am about how overrated she truly is. Dan Brown, because at least I'd get it over and done with quickly. Tolkien, Dostoevsky and Tolstoy, for much the same reason. Neil Gaiman. Isaac Asimov. A.A. Milne (I feel like I should re-read Winnie the Pooh for some reason - I have very strong memories of poems such as Disobedience - "James James Morrison Morrison" - but not of the Pooh stories). And yeah, I think that's probably enough super-human reading for one day!

vi)Which Australian state would you declare unlivable, so making all those residents move to another state, and which state would they have to move to?
I never quite got the idea of the Northern Territory, but I've never actually been there, so who am I to comment. It's also not a state, so I guess it doesn't count. Because of that, I guess I'm going to have to say Queensland (sorry Nat!), because who on earth can live with that heat?! And I'd make them all go and live in South Australia, because I think that'd be hilarious.

vii)Who is your favourite *** principal of all time?
I'm not answering this question, simply because it involves naming names etc. Yes, I'm pedantic, but it's my blog and I'll be pedantic if I want to.

viii)If you could teleport anywhere, where would you teleport?
The Starship Enterprise. Specifically, the Enterprise D. Because from there I can pretty much go anywhere else, and I get to hang out with Captain Picard and Commander Riker. Which is always cool.

ix)If William Shatner AND Leonard Nimoy both hit on you, who would you choose?
Another tough one. I think I'm going to have to say William Shatner - Leonard Nimoy freaks me out. As in, he freaks me out more than William Shatner does.

x)In a fight between Patrick Stewart and Hugh Laurie, who would come out looking the hottest?
But I think this is the toughest question of them all. I'm leaning toward Patrick Stewart, but then I think of Hugh Laurie's incredible blue eyes on House, and I get all confused. I might have to think about this one a bit more.

xi)What is the capital of the Congo?
Brazzaville.

xii)Have you been watching 'Speaking in Tongues' with John Safran and Bob Maguire?
I watched the last thirty seconds this week. Very exciting.

xiii)How would you stage Peer Gynt?
On a stage. With lights and costumes and stuff.

That took a lot longer than I thought it would, but it was fun. Ask more questions! I may not answer them, but the ones I've got so far have provided me with large amounts of entertainment.