Back from yet another globetrotting adventure, Indiana Jones checks his mail and discovers that his bid for tenure has been denied: "Dr. Jones's behavior on campus has led not only to disciplinary action but also to concerns as to the state of his mental health. In addition to multiple instances of public drunkenness, Dr. Jones, on three separate occasions, has attempted to set fire to the herpetology wing of the biology department."
I love McSweeney's.
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